Updated: Jul 1, 2020
I never intended to have my 3rd post be about sadness and yet here I go! You see, the past month has been wrought with so much sadness. God has taught me a lot and revealed the benefits of sadness.
First, I don't know anyone who seeks sadness. No! We desire joy, contentment and happiness! So why the grief? Why the sadness? Well as much as I'd love to analyze the "why," I am going to focus on the "what." You see, I've been reading Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst and although she may not be explicitly speaking to the grief and sadness as a result of emotional abuse, I do see that her concepts are solid for moving past our pain. This is key, especially for me, because I'm a girl who is always asking, "Why?"
So, what is the what in grief and sadness? I find that during periods of great sadness/grief/depression, I am able to stop my chaotic life and just be. I am present. I am so wrapped in the emotion and wanting it to stop, that I'll listen to God. Sad, I know! I hear God best when things are bad. Yuck! That sounds so unappealing and yet it's true. When life is good, I'm concentrating on having fun, being with family or friends, not necessarily searching for God's voice. But when I'm all alone in my pain, I reach to Him for relief. And I find that He is the source of all things good in my times of need.
How is He so good when my life looks so bad? Well first, of all, I'm reminded that He is present. No one else is there comforting me, only Him. It is then that I recognize He is always present; I just don't always take the time to acknowledge His presence. One of the key chapters I studied at the beginning of my whole separation and healing period, was Psalms 120 & 121. In those chapters I realized that in my brokenness, I am raised up before God (Ps 120) & He is my shelter; He is always with me (Ps 121). I have repeated these truths over and over, sometimes it's all that I can get out through the tears. I am attempting to believe it as I agonize over my current situation and yet it's also as if I'm proclaiming it, in a very "God help me believe this" type of way.